From where Jeff sat, he could see Damian getting out of the car and rushing toward the house like a man on a mission. Though he should say something, it amused him to sit back and watch. He entered and slammed the door, then yelled for Jeff, who sat snickering in the front yard where he’d finished mowing the lawn only a few minutes before.
“Jeff!”
Ah, now Damian’s voice carried a hint of annoyance, so it was probably for the best that Jeff make his presence known. He got up from where he was kneeling, and strode toward the house. He pushed open the door, and found Damian glaring at him.
“You know, the neighbors are going to call the police what with all the shouting going on here.”
Damian didn’t look happy. “Why are you covered in grass clippings?”
“Uh, because you told me to mow the lawn. That was you, right? Right after my maintenance spanking, you told me that I had some chores to do today. Mowing the lawn was number three on that list, right behind the dishes and those bloody bins. I suppose I should be grateful you didn’t ask the neighbors if they wanted theirs done again.”
Damian huffed. “I fully expected you were going to be done and ready to go by the time I got home.”
“Go?” Jeff asked curiously. “Where?”
“Oh my God.” He went over to Jeff and tapped his forehead. “Is there anyone in there? Hello?”
Jeff pushed his hand away. “Stop nattering and tell me what you’re talking about.”
“Alex’s birthday party. Remember? Thirty years young and we’re celebrating at the club.”
Oh, the club. “Do I have to go?”
Fine, he knew he sounded petulant, but seriously? Why should he have to go?
Damian grabbed Jeff’s arm and pulled him close. “And why wouldn’t you want to? You don’t feel like helping your friend celebrate?”
He tried, really, but the snort came out before Jeff could rein it in. “My friend? Are you bloody serious?”
“Um, yes. I thought you liked Alex. What’s the problem?”
Jeff stalked to the bathroom and stripped off his clothes. Damian was hot on his heels.
“You should know we’re going to talk this out.”
Of course they were. Damian could never let anything go.
Jeff shot Damian a sharp stare. “Friends call you. They invite you to go places and do things. How many times have I heard from any of them, even Scott, in the last year”
He flipped the taps on the shower and stepped in, dragging the curtain closed behind him. He stood beneath the spray, letting the cool water cascade over his body.
“I can think of a few, but each time you begged off. Care to tell me why?”
That was easy. Because…because… “I don’t know.”
“You whine that they’re not your friends, but how much of a friend have you been? I haven’t seen any of them around here in the last year. Declined your invites, I’m sure.”
Jeff turned his face up into the water. The curtain slid open and a very naked Damian stepped into the shower behind Jeff, and pulled him into an embrace. He leaned in and planted a kiss on Jeff’s neck.
“I’m sorry. I should have addressed this before now. Tell me, what’s going on?”
A deep sigh slid out of Jeff. “Scott literally saved my life. Without him, I never would have met you, and without you, I’d be dead by now. But once that was over and done with, he ran off with his new friends, and left me behind.”
“I think we both know that’s not true. Try again. What’s really going on in your head?”
Jeff shrugged. “Do you know what next week is?”
“Of course. It’s the week you came to me and made me the happiest man on earth.” Damian nibbled the soft skin of Jeff’s neck. “Did you think I’d forgotten?”
“But it was more than that. It was like…I started living again. When that redheaded ball of energy dragged me into his orbit, I had hope for the first time in years. Now he’s an award winning author. Alex is working in a big firm. Peter’s running his own business. Everyone at the club has done something with their lives. What have I accomplished? They’ve all moved on, and I’m still stuck at the start.”
Jeff knew he was whining, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t begrudge anyone their successes, but he would like to have at least one of his own. Damian reached past him and turned off the water, then took the fluffy white towel from the rack and slid it over Jeff’s body.
“I thought you were happy working with Ron? He said you’ve got a knack for woodworking, and that he thinks you’ll go far.”
Jeff tried to pull away, but Damian held fast. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t complain, but I can’t help it. I want to…” Then the truth hit him. “I want to finally be proud of myself for accomplishing something. I mean, I want people to know my name and say ‘that Jeff, he’s a good guy’, instead of ‘oh, you mean the druggy whore’.”
Damian dragged Jeff to the sofa where he sat and pulled Jeff down beside him. “You listen to me. Every day of my life I’m proud of you. Maybe I don’t say it enough, and that’s on me, but the anniversary of you coming to be with me? It’s one I celebrate, because I look at the years that have gone by, and I realize that with each one that’s passed, I’ve fallen deeper in love with you. I didn’t think it could be possible to be so in love, but here we are.” He pulled Jeff in for a kiss. It was an automatic reaction, but Jeff opened for Damian, just like he always would. They sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms, until Damian broke the kiss and drew back.
“And so you know, that’s one.”
Jeff frowned. Damian was counting the spankings he’d be giving Jeff’s bare arse. “For what?”
“You will never refer to yourself as anything other than your name. We all have a history, and none of us should let it control our futures.” He leaned in and gave Jeff a peck. “And I have an idea. What if we—you and me—went into business together?”
“Business? Like what?”
“Like I said, Ron told me he was proud of what you were doing with the wood. What if we, I don’t know, open a shop or something. You could create the items to sell, and I could keep the books for you.”
The thought was enticing, but…no. “Thank you. The fact you offered means more than you’ll ever know, but I think it’s something I’m going to have to work through.”
“You know you won’t ever be alone, right? I’ll be beside you working on this too. I want you to be as proud of yourself as I am. As your friends are. You don’t need a fancy job. Remember, Alex didn’t start like that either. And Scott? You know his story, and how hard he fought to get to where he is. In fact, you were part of that. And let’s not forget Peter. Like you, he’s always going to bear the scars of what Curtis Rogers did to him. Look at him now, though. He’s not letting that bastard define his self-worth anymore.” Damian squeezed Jeff’s knee. “If you’re having problems, I wish you had talked with me. Or with Laura. That’s what we’re here for.”
“I know.” Jeff snorted. “I thought maybe once I was man enough to make things better for myself.”
“But you have. You no longer need the pills. You give everyone in the neighborhood a smile and wave. Look how far you’ve come. Your life is riddled with regrets, but you’re pushing them back and forging ahead with life.” Jeff opened his mouth to say something, but Damian rushed ahead. “Yes, sometimes we all hit a bump in the road, but that’s all this is. A bump. Acknowledge it, and drive right over it. Now, would you like to have a quiet night in? We can watch Shelter.”
To stay home and watch their favorite film together, or to go with Damian and drive over that bump and spend the evening with friends? No, there was really no choice.\
“What should I wear to the club?”
Because even if he hadn’t spoken much with them, he’d forged a family with these people, and while sometimes he might forget it, he would never forget how they’d been there for him, and how they always would be.