“Your cheeks are red. What on earth are you reading?”
Rob looked up to see Ellis’s amused expression. “Nothing.” He quickly closed the notebook he’d been writing in.
“Really? Nothing must be kind of hot. Let me see.” Ellis reached for Rob’s journal.
“No!” Rob yanked it away, scowling when Ellis snickered. “Just leave it alone.”
Ellis plopped down beside Rob. “Okay, what’s going on?” His expression grew a little smug. “You know, if I wanted to, I could get that away from you.” He tapped his leg. “Former copper, remember? I might not be as steady on my feet as I used to be, but I can still take down a punk like you.” He laughed.
Rob shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”
“But you love me.” Ellis’s tone exuded confidence.
He did. He actually loved all his mates, something he never thought he’d say. And seeing as it didn’t look as if Ellis would take no for an answer… “It’s for that assignment Tim gave us.”
Ellis frowned. “You mean that writing thing? Ugh. I love reading, but writing? I hate the idea.”
It was Tim’s grand idea to see if they could write something that might one day be published so that book clubs could read something by them. It…wasn’t going well.
“Like you said, you were a copper. Surely you’ve got tons of material to draw from.” All Rob had was sex, Vic, sex, working, and sex.
“Hey,” Ellis said in a gentle voice. He took hold of Rob’s wrist. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Rob assured him, though it still felt as though worms were squirming in his belly. He’d been feeling off lately.
This was definitely not a day when Ellis would be deterred, it seemed. He tightened his grip when Rob tried to pull away. “Talk to me. I’m your mate, remember? It won’t go any farther, I promise.”
Rob sighed. Maybe it would help to talk to someone, especially since Vic was away on business. “Fine. I was doing the assignment, and it occurred to me that I have nothing interesting. I mean, I didn’t have your job. I’m not a bookseller like Heath. Even Tim can talk about being homeless and rescued by Sam and Aaron. Me? I’m… boring.”
Ellis snorted. “Rob, my friend, you are anything but boring. You’re the cheekiest monkey I know. You get away with crap none of the rest of us could. If I talked to Wayne the way you do to Vic, I wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month, and I can promise you it wouldn’t be because of anything fun.” He pulled Rob closer. “Where is this coming from?”
Where was it coming from? Rob thought he’d banished the self-doubt, so why was it making a roaring comeback like this?
He pushed out a heavy sigh. “It’s just… See, I’ve never done an exciting thing in my life. Hell, even Jarod went to Hawaii on his honeymoon. Farthest I’ve ever been is London and Manchester.”
Yeah, he’d nailed it. His life was truly boring.
Ellis threw an arm around Rob’s shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t you think you’re feeling like this because Vic is away for two weeks?”
That was ridiculous. Rob had been by himself before. Prior to meeting Vic, he’d… He’d… Aw, holy hell. “Oh, shit.”
“You miss him.”
It was Rob’s turn to snort. “What? No, of course not. I can stand my own company for two weeks.” Two very long, very dull, very boring weeks. Even his nightly Skype calls didn’t help chase away the loneliness. It didn’t matter that Rob could see Vic’s beautiful face—he couldn’t touch it. Couldn’t kiss his husband.
“I couldn’t be without Wayne for two weeks,” Ellis admitted. “He makes me who I am, and without him, I’m afraid I’d go back to the person I was.”
Yes! That was it exactly. Every night Rob came home, he expected Vic to be there, waiting. They’d have dinner, then sit down and talk. Afterward, they’d go upstairs and Vic would show Rob why he was the center of Vic’s world. Now? With him being gone, there was nothing. No cuddles. No kisses. No softly spoken words in the dark. No demands for harder, faster, deeper, followed by Vic’s sexy wicked chuckle.
“I miss him,” Rob admitted. “I haven’t had a hug in over a week.”
“Aw, c’mere.” Ellis pulled Rob into a hug.
It was nice, Rob would admit, but it wasn’t Vic. “Thanks.”
Ellis cocked his head to one side. “Not the same, is it?”
“Nope, not at all.”
“When does he come back?”
“Next Saturday,” Rob said, his heart aching. “But he did say they might extend the stay if things didn’t progress fast enough.”
“Well, you have the weekend off. Why not go see him?”
Go see him? Why hadn’t he thought of that? Vic wasn’t that far away by train. Rob could be there in four or five hours. He leaned over and kissed Ellis on the cheek. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I think I’m gonna do that.” Rob stood. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”
Ellis chuckled. “Go get your man, Rob.”
It had taken some planning on Rob’s part, but his ticket was booked, his bag was packed, and he’d left his itinerary with Ellis and Tim should something come up. Tim had told him in no uncertain terms to use that time to work on his assignment, because there wouldn’t be an extension. Rob wondered if Tim realized how much he’d grown since he’d come to live with Sam and Aaron. He was still shy around people he didn’t know, but now he was more open with his friends, and had no problem telling them when something needed to be done. Like when he’d directed Rob and Ellis with the biscuits for the club’s holiday party. He grinned and reached for his laptop. Maybe he did have something to talk about after all.
Rob sighed as he looked around the room. Why had he come again? Why was he torturing himself like this? Then he remembered why. He was lonely and needed someone to see him. To break through the walls he’d erected, to tear away the self-loathing that blanketed him. He was a drowning man, and more than anything, he needed a lifeline before he was pulled under into the dark, dank waters that threatened to drown him.
Then he saw a light in the distance, but when it reached for him, Rob lashed out and batted it away, even though his mind kept pleading for him to take hold and never let go. The hand disappeared, and Rob sank further into the morass, the tendrils of darkness creeping deeper into his brain, reminding him no one would love him. Never gonna happen.
Then the hand appeared again, and once more Rob lashed out, but this time strong fingers wrapped around Rob’s wrist and did something amazing. They began to drag Rob free from the darkness, pulling him toward the warm light he could glimpse above. If only he could trust the hand to never let him go. If only….
“Hey, brat,” said the man after he hauled Rob to the surface.
Rob peered up into kindly eyes, and a smile that was warmer than the feeling of the sun on skin that had been too long denied. Rob threw his arms around the man and held on tight.
“Please, don’t let me go.”
Then the man did the impossible. He enveloped Rob, making the two of them seemingly one person. He funneled strength into Rob, allowing him to push beyond the pain and fear, and see something he never had before: a future.
Through this man, this one singular entity, Rob was able to break through the hard shell he’d always worn, and instead allow the soft bits of himself to be exposed to all. What surprised him most? Even though he still didn’t believe he deserved it, people came into his life who covered those tender bits with a different kind of shell. One of peace, of love, of caring. They’d shown Rob he was good and worthy, and he built a family out of these people.
One he would never give up.
He reread what he’d written and smiled. It wasn’t bad. Okay, it was, but it was better than he thought he could do. Tim had better appreciate it, and if he ever told them they were going to try creative writing again, Rob would do something awful to him. Like hug that bastard for all he was worth.
He leaned back in his seat, surprised when the announcer said they were pulling into the station. It was only a few hundred words, but it had taken him nearly four and a half hours to get them to the point where he was satisfied with them. He slipped his laptop back into the bag, then stood and grabbed his carryon from under the seat. He couldn’t wait to get to Vic’s hotel and surprise him.
The old Rob would have worried Vic would be with someone. That he’d toss Rob aside the minute he became annoying. The ring on his finger, though? That spoke of permanence in a different way to his collar. Vic wasn’t going to let Rob walk away, no matter how hard he pressed.
He got off the train, and started working his way toward the taxi stand when a hand clamped down onto his shoulder. Rob turned, ready to give someone a piece of his mind, only to be greeted with a smile that melted his heart.
“Vic.” The word came out like a breathless prayer. “Why are you here?”
Vic didn’t say anything. He grabbed Rob and crushed him to his big body, peppering his hair with kisses.
“You have no idea how much I fucking missed you,” Vic growled into Rob’s ear. “I’m taking a different job. Already talked with Martha about it. I can’t do this anymore, Rob. I can’t be away from you. It was driving me mad to see your face on my screen, and know you were out of my sight. I’m taking a job where there won’t be any travel.”
Rob’s heart soared to know his feelings weren’t foolish, that Vic had been dealing with them as well.
“I love you, Rob. So fucking much.” Vic’s voice broke, and Rob peered up to see tears in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“When Ellis called and told me what you were doing, I—“
“Ellis called you? That bastard. Wait until I see him.”
“No, don’t be mad at him. They extended the stay here another week, and I was going to call tonight and let you know.” He stroked a finger over Rob’s cheek. “I was dying here. Nothing felt real anymore. The only thing that held me together was this.” He held up his hand, showing off his ring. “It meant you’d be there waiting for me. The thing is, I’m your Dom. I’m supposed to be there for you, and how can I do that from hundreds of miles away? And then it hit me. You weren’t there for me, either.” He swallowed. “I was so fucking lonely without you.”
Vic had never spoken to Rob like this. Hell, Rob had never seen Vic tremble, and yet he was trembling as he held Rob close, apparently needing a grounding touch too. When Vic’s lips touched Rob’s neck, a shiver coursed through him. This was exactly what his writing assignment had been about,Vic holding Rob together, keeping all those newly glued pieces together.
“Love you so much, Rob.”
“I love you too, Sir.”
Vic gave a half smile. “When I used to go on trips, I never minded, because there wasn’t really anything at home that was my base. Then I met you. What you did was something I thought would be impossible. You took my place and made it into my home.” He put a hand over Rob’s heart. “You gave me a home. And I realized on this trip, I didn’t want to leave it without you. Would you be okay with me not traveling anymore?”
Rob could tease. He could taunt Vic, tell him he barely noticed him being gone. Except he knew he wouldn’t, not then. “Yes, I can definitely handle you being home.” He reached up and held Vic’s face in his hands. “I missed you too, you big poof.”
Rob breathed an inward sigh of relief. Was he needy? Yeah, he was, and he admitted it. The thing was, what he’d said to Ellis had been wrong. He did have something exciting. His life was starting to come together. To get better, as they say. His parents’ road to reconciliation was progressing, Rob’s relationship with Alex had never been better, he had his mates at the club who always had his back, and he had the man who even now was squeezing the life out of him.
Who needed more than that?